I know, I know, it's ridiculous to even suggest it; Valve doesn't do 3's – Half Life 2, Team Fortress 2, Left 4 Dead... That said, the thought of diving back into the world of Portal brings me to an near rabid state of salivation.
When the first Portal game arrived packaged into the apology of the Orange Box, nobody could have predicted the incredibly positive critical reviews it would receive, or the massive following it would garner. The game itself was simple, shoot blue and orange portals at walls to allow you to travel between the two and in doing so unravel some of the most brain bending puzzles ever conceived by man. Suddenly, moving a box to a switch wasn't just a matter of lateral thinking, you had to think, quite literally, outside of the box. As the game itself comments: “Now you're thinking with portals!”
Add to that the dark humour of the narcissistic and muderously psychopathic AI GLADoS, who would comment passive-aggressively on your progress through the game. Her sarcasm and wit set a near perfect backdrop to a game that embraced perfection in simplicity, and have become some of the most memorable quotes in recent gaming history.
Then, Valve dropped Portal 2 on us. Building on the strengths of the original with new puzzle mechanics, a new moronic AI (Wheatley, voiced by Steven Merchant), new environments, new story, and, of course, new GLADoS quotes to memorise.
“That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks "stupid". Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably – Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!”
Again, the game blew us all away, and that's before we consider the co-operative multiplayer mode too.
This all begs the question; when are we going back to Aperture Laboratories? Of course, I could croon and beg for a Portal 3, but as I already stated, Valve apparently don't do 3's. Instead, sarcasm aside, why not jump on the 'Definitive Edition' bandwagon and release 'Portal 2: Definitive Edition' for Playstation 4 and Xbox One, and package it with the original game too? It could be called 'Portal: Aperture Science Edition', like the Handsome Collection. You can have that one for free, Valve.
That all said, the PS Vita nut in me would absolutely lose all sense of control if Valve announced a portable version of the games. I wouldn't even want them to necessarily add anything new to it. Just Portal 1 or 2 ported directly to the Vita. I mean, maybe something could be done with the front or rear touch screens, or even the motion sensors, but I wouldn't mind if it was a literal direct port.
We know the Vita can deal with the graphics and framerate just fine, and the lack of secondary triggers wouldn't cause any issues either as the original games don't use them anyway. Considering how many games utilise the PS3/PSVita cross-save/cross-buy functionality, it can't be that hard to port across to Vita code, right? How amazing would it be to be able to load up Portal on the bus to work? I mean, sure, I'd get some funny looks bursting out in laughter at GLADoS' quotes, but that's a small price to pay for Portal Portable (You can have that one too, Valve).